Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Finish LIne

So I have just calculated that I will be at my goal by October 28th 2011.
This is exciting and it seems like a relatively short time away.

I as a person will not be finished of course and will be opening many other doors to continue the process of lightening up. I am however determined that I am up to this first challenge. I have begun to learn that it is ok to be hungry, just a little, this is not an emergency it is an edge and a great time to check in on how I am feeling. What a triumph.

Who am I ...where do I want to be heading...how do I get out of status quo. I am not there yet almost not ready to open those long forgotten parts of myself but I will wake soon ....

So nice to be physically lighter... so nice... thank you God thank you me...thank you ..thank you ...thank you.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sassy

I don’t have a lot of time to post these days. I am busy losing weight. I actually am and I am feeling very sassy about it. The diet change ..the menu planning was the missing link.. I am increasing my exercise because I am getting much stronger. I have faith that I will reach a modified version of my goal of 24 pounds by August 15th.

The sun is making it seem as though all of my wildest dreams and secret longings are possible. I am ready to bust open a few new moves, dance around like Snoopy and even get in to a little trouble.
My garden is growing a bit tentatively and my backyard wants more attention. My room is not cleaned out, hidden stashes of papers and books long forgotten, whisper little nothings at my deaf ears.

I am too busy basking in this moment of triumph, this very start of imagining the finish line even though I am only 8 miles in to a marathon of life changing..
I will meet with a voice teacher tomorrow. This makes me hopeful and I think that acting might happen this year but I still feel reluctant to dive in. Nick also will happen this year and if he is anything like he is this summer… my focus may be on him… so I am open to flexing those artist muscles and making room for my hearts song and waiting expectantly for the next Miracle of Light.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I Keep Getting Back on the Horse

Even though I get thrown off time after time... I am not going to whine at least not too much. This is really hard, the losing weight part. I can lighten up almost in every other way so much easier. Perhaps I should celebrate some victories.

I have finally got a compost bin...this makes the garbage that goes to the landfill a lot lighter. This increases some of our chores around the house but it encourages us to get outside making our moods much lighter.

I planted my garden helping to lighten my grocery bill in late summer when we really need the help.



I gave my dogs oatmeal baths which really lightens their moods and ours so we are not all going crazy with their seasonal itching.

I just made the menu for the week and the groceries list. This is not something I have done any other week but one this year and I am hoping that it will help the whole I can't seem to loose weight thing. Yes I made a seperate menu for myself during the week. It is less food than I usually eat. Considerably less,but healthy and I am sure enough food for me to eat... I am thinking I may be very crabby next week.

I vow to blog instead of doing my family in... I am not promising perfection I will take it one day at a time.

The only time I can have a glass of wine is on the one day the family will go out for dinner.
Other than that none...none none.....

I have to admit that I feel somewhat discouraged. But I vow to keep getting back on the horse. Lightening up in every aspect of my life I vow to exercies 5 times a week and to stick to a weekly menu plan. I will meditate, meditate.. I will check in next Saturday and let you know.....

I can't help but think that this is all incredibly boring to anyone who may check in from time to time but I am determined to uncover my inner self the one who will lead to me to the muse of lightness untill I will no longer need to get back on the horse but I will run swiftly beside him lighter than air and free....

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Where Am I in the Process You Ask?

Hmmmmm….. I would really like to avoid this question. Well I am on my way.

Boot camp is becoming a regular part of my life 2-3 times a week
I have added to that 2 other work outs..zumba ….running with my crazy pooch

Meditation is not a regular part of my life yet but I am meditating for 10-20 minutes probably 5 times a week. I think the goal is 14 times, once in the morning and once in the afternoon 20 minutes minimum but who is counting.

I do notice a definite decrease in dark thinking when I meditate and I sleep so much deeper.

Eating….I would have to say is still very good. I like eating….I even like eating lighter. I love healthy food. I guess you could just say I love food especially when I am feeling fearful, frustrated and forlorn.
(better known as the three F’s)

I am not tracking the amount that goes in to my mouth and I am so reluctant to do this. It feels so not light, it feels dark and confining.

The scale is not telling me that I am getting lighter. I keep fluctuating between 2 pounds up, 2 pounds down. I guess you could say I am maintaining. Which if I was at the end of my weight loss journey that would be great but I am at the beginning. Something needs to give….. more on this to follow.

Yoga…2 times a week a round of sun salutations, It would be great to be doing more but …I will take this for now as a small triumph.

I work 40 hours, I am a mother of a seven year old, work with a couple of theatre companies. Consistency is so hard to come by but I am on the path to find out what a healthier lighter me looks and feels like… and then off on the path to help others find their way…

24 by August 15th …..Do I hear the sound of encouragement….maybe just a whisper

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Heart of It

Funny how a perfectly ridiculous thing can hit you over the head and send you reeling spinning way out of control way far off any track or path you may be headed down.

All this talk about the rapture really got to me. Maybe in a different way then you think. I started realizing my fear was increasing as the time grew near. I gripped on to what ever sanity I had left and whatever real belief in God that I had and it suddenly hit me this weight stuff is all about fear. The big fear, fear of losing myself. Losing myself and not getting to finish something fabulous something I alone was put here to do.
I don't see God in such a vengeful way. I can't believe that so much love would churn out so much hate and judgement. Call me crazy or just too darn liberal but I don't buy it. Global warming ... man made planet issues yep I can go there. Doomsday..this is not about God.

The little girl that was me so long ago, thought that if we got something good surely it was time for the end of the world. How messed up is that?
Here I will say it. I deserve good things. You deserve good things.
I don't have to be afraid.

A few weeks ago my son and I went to the book store and got 2 books by David Pilkey of Captain Underpants Fame. We went to a restaurant and he read one about a robot and I read the 1st Captain Underpants. We both chuckled as we read and ate our little dinners. It doesn't get much better than this.....

Fear sucks....Love is all around

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Joni Mitchell with Cockroaches?

Ok so I have been having really strange dreams lately. I believe this to be a lightening up of my pyche. I dreamt I was having a wonderful conversation with Joni Mitchell on a beatiful blue lounging couch..she was speaking about her sadness over never having dated this actor I used to know in LA.

Well I was very pleased to have this connection with Joni Mitchell and couldn't wait to tell her that I in fact knew said actor and that I too was an artist. At this point thousands and I mean thousands of cockroaches every shape and size started crawling all over the place and I very politely suggested that Joni might want to get up from the couch..and yes then I woke up.

Another dream I had recently introduced me to the well known super hero
August Mask..He wore a orange helmet and a navy jumpsuit and he looked like a cartoon dog that you might see on Arthur...was he a good guy or bad?.. ..yes and then I woke up.

Things are really changing inside me they are lightening and darkening all at the same time. I soar and fall but things are changing all the same.

Friday, April 29, 2011

working through some heaviness

All right today I feel a little disappointed...ok more than a little, a gargantuan amount of disappointment.    I got on the scale today...eeeeek and I weigh the most I ever want to weigh..this after completing my 8th boot camp class.   I am sure some of it is muscle, water weight gain, inflammation but still ....  Yet I know that in order to reach one of my first goals which is 24 by August 15 I am going to have to take this let down lightly.    I am going to have to just keep moving forward.  Put a positive spin on it...but right now I just feel disappointed and honestly pissed off.

Next week I start keeping track of my food in an effort to lighten up the amount I am eating.
I can't help thinkin I will have big expectations of immediate results.  Perhaps the scale should stay away until May 29th .  More on this in some other post.

I am going to repeat this week in the Chopra book.   I didn't make time to read the chapter completely and am slipping a little with the other suggestions from chapter 1-4.   A week of review should be helpful.

This weekend I am going to clean out my side room.  Bring all not needed stuff to Good Will.  

I find myself full of dark thoughts apocalyptic at night but the meditating is sorta helping that while the weather reeks havoc.   Breathe and everything changes.   Energy Transformation Intelligence.

I breathe and take a moment to remember to feel gratitude and pat myself on the back for venturing out on this new path.